Following the blatant bridge-burning by NETV’s own Ted Neptune, some changes are being introduced to the office which some of us find… questionable.
Reporting in for my first and, possibly last written article and contribution to Nerd Entertainment Television, this is Rich Clancey.
It wasn’t long ago that I joined the team as a fledgling video game enthusiast. At the time I was bright eyed and bushy tailed… eager to add my opinions and inappropriate commentary wherever possible.
My antics quickly brought me up through the ranks. From having a love/hate relationship with Destiny, to ranting about Windows 10… I soon found my place with the crew. We even had a regular Super Smash Brothers Night!
Man, I was surprised at all the things a fire hydrant could do! Like, almost ruin friendships! Even professional relationships were put at risk! But I digress…
the NETV crew gathered around for our normal Monday staff meeting. We were warned that the first topic of discussion was going to be a heavy one. I dreaded the possible news that we weren’t going to be re-stocking the nutter butters in the break room. I really love nutter butters.
Instead, It came as a great shock to me to hear that I was being replaced.
I begged for information related to my departure but only received clouded details. After the meeting concluded, i was promptly escorted out the building.
My former crew made fun of me the whole walk through the main corridor as we approached the front door. My box of belongings in hand was the only testament to my short tenure at NETV.
I was swiftly thrown out the main door into the rain. My box of various video game Knick-knacks hit the ground, scattering everywhere on the rain soaked pavement… I shouted “You won’t get away with this!” and exclaimed “Who are you going to replace me with, an Amiibo?!” As the doors slammed shut.
I could not prepare for what happened next.
I fumbled to gain my bearings and stand up. Humiliated and jobless, I did everything i could to not break down right there.
It was at this time that I noticed I was missing a few key items from my desktop collection. Just then I got a tweet from Ted Neptune himself:
The Bastard. Amiibo’s shouldn’t be put in charge of something as important as this! They’re better off as an assistant or an intern… certainly not what I would consider worthy of holding a full time position! I know that they enhance the overall experience for employers, but is this really what we’ve come to? It all seems quite honestly like a scam to make more money and cut costs. And guess what? I’m that cost. I’m collateral. You hear me NETV?! I won’t put up with it! I’m no longer going to be a victim to your perverted marketing schemes!
If I hop aboard this train now who else could lose their jobs?!
Defeated, I decided it was best to pack up my sad box of toys and head home. I went to where I parked my car only to find that it had been towed. “Could this day get any worse?” I muttered, as I brought up the “Uber” App on my phone. “Guess I’m taking a cab home.”
I waited in the rain for some time until a car pulled up.
“At least I’ll get to chat with a decent human being who understands the value of a hard day’s work.” The door swung open, and there he was. Italian… Mustachioed… NFC enabled.
I stood in disbelief for moments, unable to handle this level of ironic shock. Finally I lit up a cigarette and said fuck it. I hopped in and said
“Anywhere but Rainbow Road.”