DARK SOULS II RELEASE IN T–1 HOUR

Dark Souls II is the much anticipated new sequel to Dark Souls. Titles aren’t From Software’s strong suit. Granted, they work in an artistic culture where apparently only the first title of your series needs to be good so we can’t really blame them.

I still blame them.

At this point I feel obligated to tell you I know nothing about this game. But I’ll proceed as if I do.

This is going to be the best Dark Souls game we’ve seen thus far in the series. Judging from the cover art, this one’s going to have a pretty moody atmosphere. Maybe even more moody than the last one. Or at least it’s going to have way more textures.

The same faceless guy with his back turned to you from the first game is going to be on the cover of the game when you buy it. That’s for sure.

Let’s get into gameplay.

You’re probably going to use a variety of weapons to kill all sorts of things. That’s what the kids go for these days. If you’re a kid, you’ll probably go for this.

The real nitty-gritty and what the game is specifically like to play: at the beginning of the game you step in some black paint. You use the control stick to try to get it off. Most of the time the controls are pretty will tuned, but sometimes they glitch a little and the foot movements are a little unrealistic. But, hey. You know what? If you can’t think of an interesting title, how can we possibly expect your game to be good?

DID YOU GET THE JOKE!?
DARK
SOLES
HA
HA
HA
HA
HA
HA
HA
HA

Anyway. I’ll stop wasting your time.
<3 Azazel